Here and Now and Good

It’s interesting to me that sometimes, the things we dread most are the things we actually need most.

Take, for example, my day today. It’s Ryan’s first day of work, which means I am responsible for both kids from 8am until he gets home {I’m guessing it will be around 6:30pm}. It’s not that I’ve never taken care of both boys by myself before. It’s not that Ryan hasn’t had to work at all. It’s just that, well, we’re here. In New York. And this house, this neighborhood, this city, this county – they’re all unfamiliar. Sure, I’ve been to this city plenty of times before. But there’s this weird shift going on for me – I’m doing life…as in, I-take-care-of-the-kids-you-go-to-work-and-we-actually-live-like-this life.

For the past {almost} couple of months, we’ve been “settling in” and “adjusting” and “transitioning.” I’m not being sarcastic, but I am saying that it would be really, really easy to stay in that place. You know? I could “settle in” for months and months. It could take me forever to “adjust.” I could take my sweet time “transitioning.”

But today? Real life begins. The reality that we’re here, we’re staying for a while, we need to save money, and yeah, we share a house with my in-laws – it’s in full swing. Here. Happening. Right. Now.

I sort of approached this day with fear and trepidation, and anyone who has changed so much about their lives in so little time will surely understand why. Today means letting go. Today means taking responsibility for my part while Ryan does his part. It means finding a {loose} routine that works for me and the boys. It means navigating the waters of communication with my in-laws by myself. It means figuring out how to get and keep both boys fed, diapered/pottied, down for naps, and entertained without a sidekick. It means learning how to smile at my sweet husband at the end of long days of mothering my two adorably rambunctious little boys. It means scheduling my showers accordingly. And it means lots of time to think by myself. Not that any of it is bad – it just is what it is.

So I’ve just gone through my day focusing only on one step at a time. There’s really no other sane way to do it.

After I officially got both boys down for naps {and it took a while, let me tell you}, I decided to make myself some lunch. As I stood at the stove sauteing onions, it occurred to me that I was enjoying myself. I mean, of course I miss Ryan and the assistance he so graciously affords me when he’s home, but there’s something about this “alone” time {you’re never really alone when there are kids in the house} that I treasure greatly, and I’d simply forgotten about it.

I’m a very introspective and contemplative person by nature. Having the time and space to go there is very valuable to me, and actually, contributes quite a bit to my peace. So today? Today isn’t so bad.

Today is the beginning of our new normal in New York. It’s never been like this before, and it won’t always be like this – but it’s here and it’s now and it’s good.

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4 Comments

Filed under my delightful husband, on being a mama, tea-timing

4 responses to “Here and Now and Good

  1. lea J.

    hi Rissa

    I am lurker..i follow you on twitter…i enjoy our tweets 🙂

    Great post!!
    my husband travels overseas a lot, so i get a lot of alone time….and as strange as it may sound i love that alone time, even though i miss my husband a lot and always hate dropping him off at the airport, but once i am home it is not that bad, and HIS grace is So big and always enough! anyway , really good post!

    you sound like a lot of fun.

    Léa.

  2. Well said! I like what you said about taking things one step at a time. Kind of hard to do sometimes when you see all that needs to be done or all the things piling up, but it is the best way! Just do the next thing…

  3. And when you’re home all day {almost} every day just with your children sometimes the next thing is to let the house go and sit. Sit with your children or by yourself, whichever. Because sometimes, it can be overwhelming, to me anyway.

    I’m glad you see the good in it. There is lots of good in it.

  4. Lindsey

    I remember the first time John went out to work when we moved in with the in-laws and I was feeling much of what you have described. But I found that I read more, write more and sit quietly a whole lot more. While I love and treasure each moment my man is home and helping me with our boys…I also value the time I have “alone” to sit and pray and meditate and sometimes just stare off into the mountains across the street! You will get into a routine so quick and love every second of it! And the boys will start going down for naps at the same time soon enough! (Mine just started going down at the same time-in the room they share-and I love every second! sometimes it’s just an hour sometimes it’s 3!!!) You’ll get there 🙂 Sometimes I think God gives me the time “alone” so I can just sit in His presence in the midst of the craziness that life throws! Excited for this new season of you guys’ life! And if I were you…I’d would just love to say “I’m a New Yorker.” Because YOU are!!! No more Californian! Weird…huh?!?! Never thought I’d say I was an Idahoan! HA! Funny where life takes you, huh?!?!

    XOXO

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