I’ve been mulling over these thoughts since Tuesday night.
I almost feel silly admitting this – although, as I sit here typing, I know this is exactly what I want to say.
I don’t know about you, but usually, when I read blog posts about, say, a handful of women recounting the time they spent together, bonding and sharing their hearts, I kind of tend to roll my eyes. When they say things like “It was almost a spiritual experience,” or, “I felt so heard and validated and loved on,” I think to myself, “Okay, aren’t they being a little dramatic?” I don’t know what that says about me. I think a lot of it really does have more to do with me – I’ve been very reticent to open my heart to anyone. I don’t know how long I’ve been like that but it’s not easy for me to put myself on the line. Self-preservation, I suppose.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is…I get it now.
On Tuesday night, a little bit of my wall came down. My sweet friends Jane and Joy locked up my dreads for me. I don’t want to sound sappy, but do you know how cared for I felt? On the surface, yeah, they were just doing my hair. But beneath? They were loving me, pulling me in, hearing me share my heart, sharing their hearts, and giving 6 whole hours of their time to my cause. My heart could burst with the love I felt and continue to feel.
As a wife and a mother, I spend a lot of my time on focusing on how I need to respond to everyone else’s needs. I’m no saint – that’s just life in my shoes. I love my life – there’s nothing I want more than to serve my husband and raise healthy, happy little people. I know that’s what God has called me to.
And yet, I have neglected that part in me that needs the encouragement that can only be provided by strong, loving, wise women. Sometimes, you just need to be surrounded and supported. It’s like fuel. And that’s what Tuesday night was for me.
These dreadlocks upon my head say a lot about the place I’m in. I’m moving forward in who I am – and I’m loving who I am. God created me with my exact personality in mind, after all. I’m choosing to embrace my creativity and my eccentricity and my big heart full of love for God’s people. I’m throwing off fear and giving confidence my best shot. I’m not going to wait for life to happen to me anymore. I’m going to walk this path with my head held high.
On Tuesday night, I felt this sort of empowerment in my quest to go for it. Here I was, sitting with two sisters, and I knew they were my sisters, too. I felt God’s presence and the air was full of expectancy.
You see? I really, really get it now.