It’s our last day in California.
I’ve been spending a lot of time feeling. I have a tendency to stuff it all down – all the ambivalence and determination and excitement and curiosity. But I’m not stuffing this time. It feels so good.
I got up before 6am yesterday and it was like my body was moving without any effort. I walked straight to the coffee maker and then to the back door all before I realized I had an incredibly full and uncomfortable bladder (I’d just woken up, you know). Once that was taken care of, I still could not deny the way I felt drawn outside – something was pulling me to that sunrise. I sat without thinking and wetness covered my legs and backside – the lounge chair’s cushion was saturated with the morning dew. I knew my clothes would be soaked and yet, I did not move. I shivered as I wrapped my fingers around my coffee cup. The soft yellow glow of the emerging sun grew more orange and vibrant with each passing minute. There were at least 10 hummingbirds swarming around my head. From feeder to feeder they flew, playing together and arguing over who should be allowed to perch on the tree. They made me feel inspired and peaceful and aware. The sun rose for me that morning.
I vocalized my thoughts and let them drift off into the crisp air. “I’m ready. This isn’t my home anymore. And that’s okay with me.” I felt heard. I know Someone heard. I realized then that He was the One who’d drawn me out to that lounge chair in the first place. As I whispered the contents of my heart, there was a tender sort of smile forming upon my face. I felt the weight of something, but it was good – not heavy and unbearable but purposeful. I did not feel sorrow.
I’m learning that each day is full of promise. Do you know that?
Tonight at 2am, we begin our journey. My chapter here has ended and it has ended well. For now, we add the final items to our moving truck, we watch movies, we nap, and we keep on feeling.
For any of you who are interested, I will be tweeting our road trip out to New York. Usually my tweets show up as my Facebook status as well, but I’ll be disconnecting them for a while so as to not barrage my poor Facebook friends with constant status updates.
I’d love it if you’d tag along on our journey – I’m mamarissa.