Mrs. Sick

I hate sickness. Not just the fact that it doesn’t feel good, but the fact that it causes me to be so…un-me. Do you know what I mean?

I am not necessarily the world’s most patient mother/wife, but I definitely prefer to talk things over calmly and orderly as opposed to hashing things out loudly. That’s usually how I like to handle any kind of conflict with Ryan, and it’s how I go about correcting and disciplining Jack, too.

Unfortunately, our home has been ravaged by an awful sinus infection for the past week and a half. It hasn’t reached Ryan, thankfully, but Jack and I have been on a very frustrating roller coaster. First, it seemed like we caught colds. Jack’s nose was flowing like a river, and I got that telltale tickle in my throat. In no time, I was using up tissues galore and Jack was cranky most of each day. Then, on Sunday, I noticed that my ear was feeling funny every time I blew my nose. The next morning…wouldn’t you know, I had the worst earache I could remember having. Oh, and I’d spent the night up with Jack while he apparently dealt with an earache of his own. I also noticed that my face felt strangely sensitive…right around the sinus cavities.

Since then, we’ve been seriously fighting this thing. I’ve tried every home remedy out there, and although temporary relief usually comes, I’m miserable. Jack has napped a lot and he does seem a bit better, but I’m afraid to assume it’s over, considering how unpredictable this infection has been.

As for me, I’ve been in bed for the greater part of the last three days. I hate it. My whole house is in shambles, laundry isn’t getting done, dishes are piling in the sink, my bathrooms need attention, my room has clothing all over the floor, and I consider it an accomplishment if I manage to shower each day. Now, if that was all…I might not feel so bad. But…it’s not all.

Something happened to my calmness. Something has come over me and it’s as if I don’t know how to logically work through frustration. I can’t even count how many times I’ve burst into tears. If you know me…you know that I don’t cry a whole lot. Maybe I should, but the point is, I usually don’t. Any little act of disobedience from Jack makes me want to cry and yell and actually try to get him to tell me why he’d do such a thing. As if a 19-month-old could verbally explain his disobedience.

I haven’t lost control…I just feel like it’s slowly oozing out of me. And I just don’t like it. I don’t want to be this person. Each time it happens, I resolve that I will handle things differently the next time. And then, it happens again, and I’m stumped as to how I didn’t manage to gain control that time.

Is it possible to be kind, loving, patient, and easy-going when you feel like someone has punched you in the forehead and left the biggest, throbbing bruise to remember them by? Is it possible to handle your emotions maturely and calmly when you feel like someone is stabbing you in the ear? I’d like to believe it is. I want it to be possible.

I guess I just needed to vent…and to tell on myself. I feel very inadequate and very frustrated about it all. I have complained a lot, and I don’t want to do that, either.

I’ve got a clove of raw garlic in my ear to ease the pain of the ear infection, and I’m going to take some time to think about how I might be able to remain calm, even in the midst of all this. Pray for us!!

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5 Comments

Filed under on being a mama, tea-timing

5 responses to “Mrs. Sick

  1. I haven’t had a sinus infection since high school, but I know they are soooo painful. I hope you get better soon!

    And now to tell on myself… I am usually a mom trying to keep control. I get frustrated easily–it’s one of my worst faults. I yell sometimes and I hate that, but it’s a tough habit to break when you’re upset about something. (It is worse when I am feeling sick.) Because Jordan and I share this challenge, we’ve promised we’ll never use physical punishment with our children. It’s definitely a break from the way we were both raised, and we have already been nagged about it by family members, but we feel it is the responsible choice for us and will result in happier, more confident kids. So, even though I am the furthest thing from perfect, I feel good knowing all that is off the table.

  2. You’re not alone. It’s hard to continue to be what you want to be when you’re tired, hormonal, or sick. I’m not giving excuses, I’m just saying it’s hard. We’ve had sickness in and out for about a month and I have felt just like what you said. Not to mention this third trimester seems to be wearing on me already. And it’s really hard when you don’t feel well and the little one is grumpy because he doesn’t feel well. I’m praying for you. It will pass. Just lean on the Lord to get you through the day, as always.
    As for the infection in your ear… have you tried warming some olive oil and dropping it in? I did that with Gabriel a while back and it seemed to soothe him. Any kind of oil, really, will do. Hope you get better soon.

  3. Oh! I remember being pregnant with my second and all of us catching stomach flu, and having such horrible morning sickness with my third that I had to go in for IV treatment… my house was a WRECK! You’ll feel better soon, your house will be clean again, I know it’s hard feeling helpless.

    I have found that I do not get sick that often anymore. With my first, I caught everything she caught. Now, when they are sick I rarely get it… or at least not as severe. Get well soon!

  4. Steph

    I’m not usually sick that often and I never run to the doctor for meds, but when I was pregnant with number three, I got a sinus infection or something and I kept not going to the doctor because I didn’t want to give antibiotics to the baby. But I was exhausted all the time and didn’t sleep well at night and I ended up being sick for a couple of months. Eventually I got a shot of antibiotics to clear it up. I don’t recommend medicine normally, but I had to wonder if a couple months of exhaustion was any better for the baby than the meds would have been. I’m not at all trying to advise you to do this, just saying it isn’t the end of the world if you have to.

    It is possible to “consider it pure joy whenever you face testing of many kinds,” but it definitely takes spiritual maturity. That only comes through right response to trial, so you are actually growing right now, through this process of trying to keep yourself under control. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”

    “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5

  5. ‘Tis all very hard! I’m so sorry!

    As for the sinus infection, and probably the ear ach as well – sniff/snort warm salt water, it stings like… well, you know. But it kicks out all infection in just a few tries – plus you get to blow out the worst yellow green mucus ever, which is good because it means it’s no longer inside of you.

    As for the attitude, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. I’m thankful for Steph, who posted scripture. Danica posted this a while back and it blessed me so much. Perhaps because this is what we’ve been talking about with our youth group kids, and it’s what God has been showing me as of late.

    So be sure to stick to reading your Bible, meditate on Gods word and keep spending time with Him. What goes in, is what comes out. (believe me, I’m speaking to myself as much as to you!)

    You’re in our prayers! Health and blessing to your whole family!

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