On Children, Contraception, and Choices

This will likely be a beefy post. I’m also assuming it won’t be a very popular post. And, I have a feeling it will be a tad on the scarily controversial side. You know what, though? I’m okay with that. I’m just here to have a good time. 🙂 I like controversy because whether or not we agree with the controversial subject at hand, we are forced to think outside the box and examine our hearts and motives. If anything, my goal here is to create a place where it’s safe to discuss such matters, and sometimes, agree to disagree. However, like I said, I don’t really expect this to be a popular post because in the past, when I’ve written on this topic, this blog has been eerily quiet following the publishing of the post. Hehe. Okay, end of disclaimer (was that a disclaimer?).

I was just hanging up clean laundry when I felt intensely inclined to write about children, contraception, and the choices we make about the two. I’ve already written about our family’s stance on contraception, but I want to dive a little deeper here. I’ve found myself smack dab in the middle of some interesting conversations lately – sometimes with family, sometimes with friends…and sometimes even with my husband! I have noticed a recurring theme (or shall we say question, or in some cases, statement) and I’d really like to talk about my feelings regarding this theme.

One of the most common things I hear regarding whether or not someone believes in the use of contraception is this: “Well, we all know that God is in control, and if he really wants me to get pregnant, he’ll work through the contraception and I’ll become pregnant, anyway!” This is usually followed by a few laughs or hearty nods in agreement. I’ve also heard it phrased like this: “Yeah, she got pregnant even though she was on birth control. How funny when God reminds us that he’s in control regardless of what we do!” While parts of these statements are true (God is ultimately in control and can open our wombs regardless of what we do to prevent it), I feel as if those statements are a cop-out.

You see, the beauty in foregoing all forms of contraception (that means no pills, no devices, no barriers, no chemicals, no calendars) is that we have left our lives in the hands of a loving, good Lord. Instead of saying, “God can do whatever he wants, but in order to make it less likely that I become pregnant, I’m going to use some form of contraception,” we can say, “The Lord knows me inside and out, and he will graciously open my womb in his very own timing. I’m laying my fertility at his feet and trusting that he knows far more about ‘good timing’ than I do.” I must say, from first-hand experience, this is a very freeing mindset.

Now, I’ve also run into men and women who simply say, “I don’t want to be pregnant. I want to do x, y, and z before I’ll be ready for a(nother) baby.” Sometimes, it’s buying a house, finishing school, making enough money (by the way, there is never “enough” until we can be satisfied with what we have at any given moment), or moving somewhere with an extra room.  Other times, they don’t feel emotionally prepared, or they’re simply not ready to give up their independence.

At the end of the day, my friends, I realize that not everyone will share my conviction. But, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stand firmly by what I believe. You see, God never said we’re supposed to finish our education, buy a home and make 100k/year before we have children. In fact, the Bible never says anything about abstaining from having children (that is, if you don’t count Onan, and his story doesn’t end very well! 🙂 ). The Bible is, however, full of scripture telling of the blessing of children (see Psalm 127:3-5, 128:3-4, and Deuteronomy 28, for just a few examples).

It is rather unfortunate that we live in a time where having children is an aside. Many women look forward to it, as do men, but they assume that they have responsibilities to tend to before it’s “wise” to have children. They deprive themselves of biblical blessing in the name of responsibility and wisdom, and all the while, the Bible is so clear about God’s will for us as married couples!

Another common argument (one that Ryan and I had to wrestle with ourselves) is, “Pregnancy is the result of ‘unprotected’ sex. If we don’t use contraception, we’re guaranteed to get pregnant. How is that smart?” I learned very quickly that this is not the case. I resumed cycling (menstruating) back in late November of 2007. I did not become pregnant until August of 2008, and we didn’t use any form of contraception the entire time. I know many other women who want to be pregnant and still don’t become pregnant for months, even years. I know of other women who become pregnant immediately (this was my situation back when I became pregnant with Jack). The point is and always has been, the Lord opens and closes our wombs. He has plans for our lives, and sometimes, he chooses to keep us from becoming pregnant because of some situation or another. He may also choose to give us many children close together. Regardless of what he does, the point is, he knows best! Why should be assume that we know better than the Creator of the universe?

While my conviction rests on lots of research, prayer, and reading the Word, it began with the Holy Spirit. I knew, before I was even aware of the term “quiverfull,” that the Lord had plans for Ryan and I. He was nudging me, pushing me to look into what it meant to be fully surrendered to him. I simply didn’t feel right about selfishly holding onto control over my womb, especially when the Bible is so clear about God’s love for us. He hears our cries and protects us. He will not give us a child without equipping us to handle that child – emotionally and financially.

With all of this in mind, we have a choice to make. Are we prepared to relinquish that “control?” Are we ready to lay down our selfish desires and plans for our lives? Are we ready to see our will conform to that of the Lord’s will? Are we ready to say he is good, above all else, and will bless our desire to honor him?

Are we ready to take on our rolls as men and women of God? Is the man ready to step into his role as sole provider for his family? Is the woman prepared to take her place as keeper of the home and mother of her children? The greatest legacy we can leave is that of godly descendants. All the rest (homes, school, work, money, independence) will fade away but their souls will live eternally. What do you want to leave behind?

I have friends who don’t believe they are ready. This is an obvious predicament. If we don’t believe we are ready, if we don’t want to relinquish our control…then we will not be able to place ourselves in a position to receive God’s greatest blessing: an increase in offspring. Now, I’ve said this before – I don’t think God is mad at those of us who choose to use contraception (that is, contraception that isn’t an abortifacient, which many of them are, including the Pill and the IUD). I don’t think this issue determines our salvation. I do, however, believe that we are called to live a life that’s holy and pleasing to the Lord. We can trust in the Almighty God. If he truly loves us (and he does), we can count on him to open/close our wombs, space our children, and give us the grace to handle them.

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:11

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” Romans 11:33-34

If you’d like to see all my posts that involve this topic, please click “Quiverfull” on the right margin under “Categories.”

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12 Comments

Filed under on being a mama, tea-timing

12 responses to “On Children, Contraception, and Choices

  1. Erica

    Hey Rissa, this is the first time I’ve read any of your blogs, and you’ve given me a lot to think about! I think it’s awesome that we can each have our own opinion and write about it and talk about it. I appreciate your opinion, and how passionate you are about it. I honestly had never heard that the pill was an abortifacient, so it caused me to start researching that on my own. Wow! There is so much information out there. I found a great article on it that I printed up and am going to read. Thanks for opening my eyes to a new though process. I’ll let you know what I learn! I love the word “quiverfull”, there is just something about it that sounds so beautiful to me. (I’ve been doing some research and reading on that as well!) I think you’re great, and I love reading what you have to say!

  2. Allie

    First of all, I think this is something you probably should write about. People need to hear it. I personally never even thought of surrendering to God my “plans” for children until you brought it up. Now I can’t even imagine trying to take control from Him. I just watched a show where women were trying to get pregnant but could not. It broke my heart for two reasons, one, for the poor women who desire a baby so badly; and two, for all the sweet babies people don’t want. By saying you’re “done” having kids is basically rejecting all the future blessings (children) God may have given you. This is a touchy subject for some, but most subjects are when you’re being different from the world. I think your post is wonderfully worded and I pray it touches the hearts of all who read it. God is working through you, that is for sure. Love you!

  3. Katie Riddle

    I think it’s great you’re stepping out and sharing your thoughts on this. You’re right; it’s interesting how quiet a blog can be when you post something a little (or a lot) different than what society is used to hearing. But things like this gets us thinking and has the potential to change the norm. I say, “keep it coming!” 😀

    I tend to agree with you and would happily throw our condoms we sporadically use out the window.

    As for another situation, we know a dear couple who we absolutely love who leaned toward this thought on contraceptives, too. Since then, they’ve had at least 4 miscarriages and haven’t been able to carry one full-term yet. She discovered she has a genetic issue. The doctors say she has a 25% chance of giving birth to a “normal” child, a 25% chance having of a majority defective child, a 25% chance of a still birth, and a 25% chance of miscarriage. For a while, they continued to steer clear of contraceptives, but my poor friend feels like she’s only conceiving unto death. Their hearts have been broken so many times, and they struggle where to land. So… this issue isn’t as clear-cut as I thought and I’m still working through my thoughts on the matter.

  4. I don’t have time to delve into this as I would like. (I’m watching my 5-day-old squirm as though he is about to wake up to eat!) However, I want to say Amen! to this post. It is certainly not a popular opinion, but one I share! It is scary to give it all to God, but only He knows what is truly best for us.

  5. birthhappy

    I completely understand why you believe this and how you got there. I wouldn’t normally bother to disagree with someone who believes this because it don’t want to argue and I don’t want to try to change someone’s convictions. But since you asked for a discussion, I’d love to share where we are at and how we got here.
    When we got married, we both thought God wanted us to have faith for God to plan our family. Neither of us thought that the Bible was absolutely clear about the issue of birth control to develop an absolute theology (other than avoiding any abortificients), but we just thought God was asking him to trust about this. We have had 5 kids in our 8 years of marriage. If we had been using birth control, I think we definitely would have less. We also got pregnant the first week we were married, and we both didn’t want to do that. So I know God did things in our life on this path, that we wouldn’t have chosen.
    I’m so glad we have had our kids. It isn’t something I regret and I can’t imagine that I’ll ever regret it. HOWEVER, I don’t want to keep this pace up. There are selfish reasons. I’m exhausted all the time. I have been pregnant or nursing most of our marriage and gotten very little sleep. My health has definitely suffered. But the bigger reason is really that I don’t feel that I’m doing a stellar job. I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed and behind all the time that I’m not building the sort of relationship with my kids that I want to have with them- the enjoyment of one another, as well as some training issues. For the sake of space, I won’t really go into anymore detail than that. I can completely see how someone “quiverfull” would tell me to trust God to handle things and know what is best for them and that I’m just making excuses. However, I feel strongly the responsibility of building a firm foundation for these kids and giving them strong relationships.
    I don’t want to be so tired all the time that I give them my little scraps of leftovers. This is not a judgement on how others with big families are doing. I have a friend with several more kids then me and I think she is doing wonderful. Maybe she is further along in her relationship with God than I am. Maybe she has a deeper reserve to draw from than I do. All I know is, I feel I have some more spiritual growing up to do, before I feel ready to take on more kids.

    During my 4th pregnancy, I began to pray that if not using birth control was something that God had just called us to for a season of our life, and it wasn’t something we needed to continue, that he would tell my husband. (I didn’t tell my husband about this prayer.) About six months later, Daniel came to me and nearly quoted that prayer back to me. A man had spoken at our church about reassessing the things God has said to you in the past. Seeking Him to see if you are still to continue in that path or if He has something new for you that you haven’t been noticing His call to. Daniel said to me, “I think that God asked us to do that for a season and I feel released that that season is over and that we are free to use birth control.” It was one of the more solid and dramatic answers to prayer that I have experienced. We have had another baby since then and I think we will probably have more, and they are big blessings in my life. But we both feel fully released by God to be on this newer path, and I want to be careful to do well with the blessings that I have been given.

  6. I just asked my husband to turn the TV off so I could read him this article and then we discussed it. I have a few things to say.

    First of all, we have been using condoms. It’s not that we don’t want another baby; I wanted another one just a couple of months after Suzi was born. Jordan has been apprehensive about this for a number of reasons. I was pretty sick during my pregnancy with Suzi, which meant Jordan was responsible for way more work than he should have been. If it happens again, it will affect my ability to care for both Jordan and Suzi (I know I don’t have to tell you this). We are still paying off Suzi’s hospital bill, and will be for five or six more months. Also, when Suzi was a couple of months old we bought a van. We needed it but should’ve gone for a less expensive one because we are still paying it off. I am working part time and can’t afford to quit right now. My mom and dad keep Suzi while I work, and while this is not what I want (I want to stay home with her) it is the next best thing. But they can’t take care of another baby, so if I had another baby I would *have* to quit. If Jordan’s income stays the same and I quit, this would put us in a bind. To put the icing on the cake, homebirths are not covered by our insurance, so that’s at least $2000 we’d be paying out-of-pocket!

    What we discussed is that I don’t think God would give us a baby without also providing a way for me to stay home. What do you think? Is this a leap of faith we should take now, or should we devote the next few months to working on our situation first?

    Jordan and I have discussed for years how many children WE want to have. I said five, he said maybe three. Just a few minutes ago I told him “You know, it’s funny–we never once wondered how many kids God wants us to have!”

    This is also a touchy issue for me because I have seen so many friends go through infertility or miscarriage. Could the infertility be due to certain birth control efforts? No one will ever be able to convince me that the pill is harmless and has no effect on future fertility. I have always worried that by the time I got around to being “ready,” I might have missed out on a child God meant for me to have, or will have to wait months or years to be blessed with a child (that didn’t happen with Suzi; hello, first try!).

    Sadly, one of the biggest reasons I fear becoming pregnant right now is that our families would have a fit. They don’t think we are ready, and by our society’s standards we most certainly aren’t. We don’t have a huge savings account. We don’t have a huge house. I don’t have a master’s degree or whatever is expected of a modern woman before she can focus on her family. When Jordan called his dad to tell him I was pregnant with Suzi, the news was met with a few seconds of stunned silence. It was like he wasn’t even happy! Of course, later, when they realized they were getting an adorable precious little granddaughter, they perked up. I think maybe it was partly because Jordan’s older brother, who was quite disgruntled when Jordan and I married first, had not yet had a baby. They are pregnant now and I am so happy for them, but it hurts my feelings that everyone was so happy for her (a corporate career woman, master’s degree, making lots of money, etc) and they weren’t so happy for me. When I get pregnant again, it is going to be hard to look past all those people who think we must be crazy. (Not that I wouldn’t be willing to.)

    I think our society has a problem with people getting married and having babies. Jordan and I fell in love and wanted to get married in October of 2003. We finally settled on a wedding date of December 2004–a long wait, and I’m still not sure what the point of that was. We were 20, and to some people that is considered “too young.” I wanted to have a baby in the year or two after that, but we were in college. When we finally started trying, I got pregnant the very first time (August 2006). I wonder if we waited too late, and other people think it was too early!

    Sorry for writing you such a book–do you feel like a therapist yet? 🙂

    Anyway, I’d appreciate any input you have.

  7. faemom

    Thanks, Mamarissa, for posting such a strong blog. As you might remember, we don’t always see eye to eye. But I figured I’d give my two cents.

    I’ve been on the pill before I ever had sex. I needed something to control my periods, make them regular, within a week, and keep me functioning the whole time: versus a tweek period where I would have to skip school for one to two days because I felt so horrible. It is against my religion, but I would challenge any man to have those kinds of weeks before they decided what’s best for me. I don’t beleive God would begrudge me this helpful medication; we have pain relievers and such. I do believe that God’s will works with our own, like a current in the river, pushing us in a natural way towards the things that will fulfill us, like the dreams that will become our carreer or the call to the church that would welcome us with a voice.

    With that said, I concieved both my boys very quickly. Surpirisingly quickly, Shockingly quickly. Right now, I do want a child and just happen to be off the pill, but I also know my husband’s business is a little volital right now, and I promised my brother I would be at his wedding in NH in nine months. So we are abstaining; I don’t want to put any more pressure on my husband right now, so I’ll wait a few more months. I think that, while it’s nice to hear Jesus say that God takes care of the birds so He’ll take care of us, we have to make smart decisions, and not leave eveything to God. I would perfer Him to concentrate on the big stuff like world peace than opening my womb.

    I think we all know what’s right for us because we all hear God’s voice within our ears. He just may be telling us different things.

  8. mamarissa

    @Katie – You bring up a great point and it definitely gives me something to think/pray about. I imagine that couple must be experiencing/have experienced a lot of heartache. It’s hard to understand why God would allow that, especially when they were obviously trying to honor him with their decisions. I understand that some things don’t seem as clear-cut when we get into more detailed situations. I wish I could have a true back-and-forth conversation with God so I could hear his heart for that couple. Personally, my heart breaks for them! What a difficult place to be in. Thanks for bringing that up.

    @Jenny – Wow. I am amazed at your transparency. I love it! Thank you for contributing with your story and your concerns. When I read your comment, I felt I needed to take a few days to really process through what you said. I wanted to be sure that I was weighing the words of my response before laying it all out there.
    As you can see from my response to Katie (above), I realize there are some situations where things get a bit muddled and difficult to understand. I don’t want to insist that my way is the ONLY way, but I do want to stand firm in what I understand to be God’s will for us (per scripture). When things like the above situation come up, I can only depend on prayer, asking God to give us wisdom in such trying times, and the wisdom of older, more learned followers of Jesus.
    It occurred to me that in your situation, perhaps it would be most helpful if I told you a bit about our story.
    We married when I was 19 and Ryan was 24. I had never attended college (I graduated a year early [as a result of homeschooling] and lived at an orphanage in Mexico for 6 months, but that’s as far as I went after high school), and Ryan had recently received his bachelor’s degree in music and music business – but, he was working at my dad’s commercial appraisal company. I was very young according to some people, but I had always felt that the Lord had been preparing me to marry at a young age. It wasn’t surprising to me that we married when we did.
    We married with the intention of waiting five years before trying to conceive. Within 6 months, I was surprisingly pregnant! We were both equally surprised and excited, but our situation wasn’t ideal. I had just recently transitioned from my full-time administrative assistant job to working from home as Ryan’s dad’s assistant (Ryan’s dad lives in NY). Ryan was still working as an appraiser, and being a (very talented) musician, he was very unhappy with his job. We barely made enough to pay for our two-bedroom apartment and actually, were in the beginning stages of planning to move to Houston, TX.
    We had Jack six months after our move to Houston, and because we were unable to afford health insurance, the pregnancy and birth was all paid for by Medicaid. Ryan barely made enough to cover our bills, and I stopped working two months before I had Jack. For the next six months after Jack was born, we struggled and struggled to meet our financial obligations and FREQUENTLY came up short (although somehow, our debtors had grace for us and we were never in trouble).
    My parents “rescued” us in a sense when, come December, they helped us move back to CA. We managed to get into a huge 3-bedroom apartment (and the landlady didn’t even do a credit check). Ryan didn’t have a job but found two part-timers within a couple of months. He eventually transitioned into working full-time at my dad’s company again – this time, with more control over his schedule, a different boss, and less “silly work.” While he still preferred music, he was trying to do what he could to support us. We both felt strongly that I needed to stay at home with Jack, so he worked hard to keep it that way.
    Then, come August, we entered a very dry season. Work was very, very slow. I also became pregnant in August. Since then, we’ve received one of the smallest paychecks EVER in our married life. We have been on the tightest budget and times have been tough.
    Two things. One – I’m telling you this because I want to illustrate to you that it’s definitely okay if you’re not in the ideal situation. I firmly believe that it’s not important to wait until you are perfectly set up to have a(nother) child. Two – at first glance, our story sounds…crappy. We have endured many difficult financial times and we’ve been strapped more than we’ve had plenty. However, I find that I am increasingly blessed by our situation.
    Isn’t it interesting that God gave us a landlady in Texas who actually allowed us to be late on rent without inducing a late fee? Isn’t it interesting that just when we needed it, our friends got together for our baby shower and gave us an $800 check in a time of huge need? Isn’t it strange that I was accepted into Medicaid without one little bit of struggle to prove that we needed it? Isn’t it odd that my midwife had JUST decided to start accepting Medicaid patients? Or how about the fact that while living here, my parents have, without knowing our financial issues, invited us over for dinner on nights where we honestly didn’t know how we were going to eat (that is, unless we cracked open a can of pinto beans or peaches)?
    I find that the benefit to placing all of my cares in God’s hands (including my fertility) is that I tend to see his provision far more clearly.
    I truly believe that God does not give us more responsibility without the means to take care of and provide for what we already have AND what he’s about to give.
    In these difficult financial times, I have to admit that I’m a little unsure as to how he’s going to come through. We don’t have medical insurance but we don’t necessarily fit into the financial bracket to receive Medi-Cal. We plan to do a homebirth but all the midwives I’ve spoken to charge $4,000. Yesterday, I asked Ryan, “How are we going to do this? Does this just mean we’re supposed to go unassisted?” He said, “We need to pray right now. God can provide. If it means a $4,000 check needs to just fall right into our laps, God CAN do it.” I really do believe that. I also believe that sometimes, we might ask for something, and God answers in a different way. He still provides, but the provision looks different. I’m asking him, “Are you going to provide the money? Or maybe a midwife who charges less? Or will you bless us with consistent money to get insurance?” I’m not sure how he’ll do it, but it’s not up to me to dictate the way he provides. I’m just supposed to trust.
    Jenny, I want to encourage you. You and Jordan are asking some big questions right now. To step back and ask God how many children he might want you to have – well, that takes some guts! It’s hard to do that when you know the answer might feel like more than you can handle. It takes a lot of work, love, and sometimes tears to place our lives in his hands like that.
    I also want to remind you that God is not double-minded. He asks us to lay down our cares in front of him – not so he can trample on them, but so that he can love on us. He wants our hearts open to receive his blessing. I believe that he will provide for you and Jordan. If you chose to take a leap of faith and depend on him to provide in the event of pregnancy, I don’t think he’d leave you empty handed! I wholly believe in Matthew 6:33 – But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Jesus is referring to food and clothing when he says “these things.” What are food and clothing but our basic needs? When we seek him first – we devote our lives to pleasing him, honoring him, and advancing his kingdom – I believe there is an outpour of provision. Not as an “If, then,” but because we’re living as we were originally intended, and as a result, we are aware of and able to receive God’s blessings.
    I know it’s difficult. Feeling pressure from your family and financial obligations is not fun. I hear your heart and I can totally relate. I can tell you guys want to do the right thing.
    Wow again! I feel like I wrote you a novel. You and I can continue to discuss this, if you like. Feel free to email me! I love your heart on the matter, and the way you’ve left yourself open to different possibilities. Let me know what you think about all this. I hope what I said was helpful, and I hope that I didn’t talk too much about our story. I just want you to feel encouraged – you’re not alone in this struggle!

  9. Rissa, Thanks for such a great post. It’s as if you took the thoughts on this subject directly out of my head!
    Up until I was married I had the idea that I would take birth control until we were “ready.” I had no idea (at the time) that the pill does not stop conception but just implantation. All my reasons for wanting the pill were selfish. And that’s what I had to come to. And it was a pride killer. My parents will think I’m crazy (so will my friends). I want to go on vacations. I want to sleep in. I want to have money! And even though I wouldn’t say that I wanted money instead of a child that was where I was.

    I talked with a friend about this shortly after my husband and I found out we were expecting. She told me that it wasn’t responsible to have tons of kids (like we know how many we’ll have) especially if you have no money. To me this is a lack of trusting God, something I struggle with daily. Before the pill was invented what did people do? I know there are ways (much more inconvenient, mind you) to avoid pregnancy but as you said there is no basis in Scripture for this. I hate the “it’s not responsible” argument. It holds no grounds.

    My husband is the oldest of 11. The youngest is 3 1/2 weeks younger than my son. I’ve never met a family where so much love is abounding. Their situation isn’t perfect. And they’ve had their trials. They have a 17 year old with cerebal palsy but nothing seems to deter them. For example, do you think this (having a child with a disorder) is a message from God to not have any more? No. It’s God making them weaker to make them stronger in him.

    I’ve never depended on God so much in my life as I have since becoming a mom. I see how fragile life is. I feel it. I’m tired. But God gives me the grace to get through each day and not only get through but to have so many joys and blessings. I find that when I’m struggling with being tired or not being able to give my best is when I’m focused on myself or I’m not taking care of myself (I struggle with staying up late, that’s a killer :). Mommies aren’t the only parents. The beauty of marriage (when there are children) is that there is a give and take when there needs to be (I mean this in the best sense, not like tit for tat). There are times when the wife works harder in one area and there are times when the husband has to step up and do more work (like food and laundry after the baby arrives). I’m thankful for a husband who does this and who’s priority it is for me to be home.

    I’m not claiming perfection here nor am I condescendingly giving my opinion but there is a lot of liberty in surrendering this situation to the Lord. I had my son in July 2007 had one period in May 08 then got pregnant in August 08. So it doesn’t happen just because you have sex (like some of my friends think). But I think that if you’re ready to get married then you should be ready to have children. This aspect of marriage has been lost in our society today and I believe we are and will continue to feel it keenly. People think of children as accessories not as the blessings they are. We as a society have lost our view of the preciousness of life and that is seen everywhere, from abortion issues to murder issues.

    Oh, and on the “God is still in control even though we take birth control” issue. My husband gives this analogy; It’s like saying that receiving a check in the mail (any amount for us, truth be told 🙂 would be a huge blessing, BUT we’re going to put a lock on the mailbox. If God wants to he can work it out and get the check in that mailbox. Seems silly.

    Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for posting so boldly. I think this is one of the biggest disagreements among Christians today. I have a great poem I think you would enjoy. Read it here http://thesweetestworkonearth.blogspot.com/2008/04/tied-down.html

    This along with the book “Stepping Heavenward” are the inspirations for my blog title and subtitle.

  10. Well said, well said!
    Keep up the awesome posts!

  11. rootsnwings

    Hi! So, I found your blog yesterday via someone elses blog. I got so excited to find another Godly mama that I tallked about you on my very own blog. Then after that, I found this post. Which totally made me think way beyond my own selfishness on the subject and really deal with my heart on the matter. So, I again, posted about this post on my own blog. I wanted you to know, so that it didn’t weird you out if anyone ever found it and showed you. Let me know if you are not okay with this and I will take it down.

    Thanks!

  12. Pingback: This word I’ve never heard…Quiverfull « Roots & Wings

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