These days, I am feeling rather nauseated. Wait – make that extremely nauseated. It’s strange because it comes and goes. I’ll feel fine, and then someone will talk about food, or Jack will want some cheese, and I stop dead in my tracks. “Food? Now? GROSS!” I know I need to eat. I know I’ll feel better if I eat. But nothing sounds good. I’ve forced myself to eat several times, and afterwards, I feel seriously concerned that it might just come right back up. The only things that have tasted remotely good are smoothies, and in one instance, macaroni and cheese *gasp*. Not good.
I realized today, I don’t think I’ve fully connected with this pregnancy yet. I mean, I’m so grateful and excited – don’t get me wrong. We are so thrilled to be blessed with another child. But, I’m so distracted with my nausea, I feel like I don’t have much time to just enjoy myself and the thought of my new baby. You know what I mean?
There’s another thing getting me down. While experiencing this morning sickness, I find the task of homekeeping – cooking, cleaning, tending to laundry, taking care of Jack and spending quality time with Ryan – all very, very daunting. I know I’ll make it through but it’s possible that I could feel this way for 7 more weeks. I can’t imagine. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I know I’ve got to do it. It’s a bit scary. I want to continue to be a good wife and mother. I don’t want to neglect my duties – they’re important to me.
Good news is, I’ve made a decision. I’m not going to wean Jack. I am fully committed to child-led weaning. I still believe in the statement, “If you resent it, change it,” but I am aware of the pros and cons of this decision and it’s very important to me to nurse Jack until he’s ready to stop. Despite the slight soreness, I find joy in nursing my boy. There are so many benefits and I just can’t wean him – not when I’m aware of the benefits of this long-term nursing relationship.
Well, this day has already flown by and I still need to clean and lanolize some soakers as well as fold mounds of laundry. Please, stomach, let me work!