I am so at my wit’s end. All those supposed “sleep solutions” do not work. All those times people say, “oh, don’t worry, he’ll go back to his old routine in no time,” well, it’s not true. All of the “normal sleep habits of a x month old” do not apply to Jack. He is his own man.
I understand that in the world of breastfeeding, sleeping through the night is not desirable. But my situation seems a bit unique. You see, he slept through the night till he was 5 months old – of his own accord. No sleep training. No ignoring his hunger cues. He just slept. For the last 6 months, I’ve been in this insane sleepless stupor. Occasionally, he decides to sleep really well for a few nights. I begin to praise God for seeing me through. And then…the following night, he wakes up at 10, 12, 2, 4, 6, and then is up for the day before 8.
Right now, we seem to be in a bit of a pattern. He wakes up any time between 2-4, and then again around 6 (sometimes later) and I’m lucky if he sleeps for a little while after that. Of course, that’s not so bad. But last night, I was talking to Allie, and her 11 week old is sleeping almost identically to Jack. I’m feeling very discouraged!
I’m done trying to make a difference. He wakes up, nurses, and goes back to sleep. But, for some reason my letdown takes forever at night, so we end up nursing for a really long time. I’d lay down and have him nurse while I sleep, but the older he gets, the worse he sleeps when he’s in our bed. So, I have to sit up each time he wakes up. I am beginning to feel like I did when he was a newborn.
I always wanted him to wean himself from nighttime feedings. Now, the idea of nighttime weaning him sounds attractive to me. At least that way Ryan could help. At this point, if Ryan tries to help him go back to sleep, all Jack does is scream until I come to the rescue.
Is my desperation obvious!? I’m so tired. Every morning I wake up exhausted. Naps really inhibit my nighttime sleep. Ryan has been going to work early a lot which means I usually don’t get a chance to sleep unless it’s Saturday morning. I’m living for Saturdays right now. I feel so ridiculous. I am hoping and hoping that after he turns 1, Jack will suddenly stop waking up because he’s a toddler now. But who am I kidding? He really is his own man – he won’t abide by “shoulds,” no way!
That’s just a little glimpse into my sleepy heart. Pray for me.