A Good Title Is Very Important

Well, Jack has been asleep for about 40 minutes now, and all I’ve done so far is look at pictures of me, Ryan, and Jack when Jack was born, and just random pictures from Texas life. It comforts me to do this sometimes – not sure why. I’m still amazed at our life. It’s amazing to me that, in two short years, we were married, got pregnant, moved to Texas, had a baby, and moved back to California. That seems like a lot! It’s gone by so quickly – sometimes I don’t realize how much we’ve gone through until I take a moment to reflect. I’m very grateful. 

I don’t think we ever stop changing – in fact, the last two years are a good testimony to that, but I feel especially rocked by change lately. When we moved back here, a lot of things turned upside down. Literally two days before we moved here, Jack stopped sleeping through the night and hasn’t returned to a consistent schedule since. We thought we were going to attend my lifelong home church but ended up being called somewhere else. Things with friends seem to b different (inevitable when you move away and come back, I think). And, now we’re trying to adjust to life at a new church. It seems we have an entirely new perspective on life. We’ve begun counseling. We’ve been majorly re-evaluating and examining our walks with God. We’ve discussed buying a house. We’ve discussed the possibility that we may move again sometime in the nearer (not very near, but nearer) future. We’ve wondered and wondered when our next baby will come (impatient much? We’re definitely being humbled). We’ve talked about buying a new car. We’re settling major debts and feeling that weight being lifted. For the first time, we’re managing our finances well and we can actually pay our bills each month. Ryan’s job has been good, but a huge adjustment from being free to do music whenever he wanted.
There is so much change, and often times, I find myself utterly exhausted. I mean, counseling in and of itself is kicking my butt. Just learning about myself, mending past issues, and working through current issues – those things are tough! I’ve always been content to play the “life is good” card without really uncovering any of my insecurities and issues. But, for the last several months, it’s like there’s something welling up inside me. There’s something pushing through, and I feel like I’ve been holding my breath under water for way too long, and I just need to GASP and BREATHE! And boy, has it felt good.

I have never liked to cry in front of people. I’ve never liked talking about my weaknesses or my downfalls. I’ve never been good at confronting people or talking about issues face-to-face. But it has felt so good to venture completely out of my comfort zone. Each week, before my counseling appointment, I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t want to go. I hope and hope that it will be canceled. But, as soon as I get there, I feel a huge weight lift off of me as I share my heart. I marvel at how God works – he takes me to a place that I am reluctant to go because of fear – he gently leads me to a safe place, regardless of how uncomfortable it seems – and slowly, I heal. Ahh.
I’m just feeling reflective. I wasn’t really planning to write about that today, but I feel better, now. Sometimes, it feels good to admit to the world that I’m struggling a bit. I feel much more real that way.
So, here are some thoughts I’ve had about “homey stuff” lately:
What are some healthy, inexpensive lunch recipes? I am great with breakfast and dinner, but I always find myself at a loss when shopping for lunch foods. I get tired of sandwiches, mostly because I’d rather not have all the mayo and mustard all the time, and honestly, I don’t much like a dry sandwich. I would rather not buy frozen meals. I’d like to get some ideas for quick, yummy salads, some different kinds of wraps, and anything else that’s simple but nutritious. I have to keep in mind that we don’t use butter, fried foods, and we try to eat cheese very minimally. Basically, we don’t do high fat. That sort of limits our options. I’ll be researching the whole thing, but I’d love input from any of you readers. 
I’ve been thinking about Jack’s upcoming 1st birthday. I’m not planning on throwing a big ol’ party for him, mostly because we don’t have many people we’d invite anyway, and also because I don’t see why we should spend money on a birthday that he isn’t even aware of. 🙂 I’m thinking about having a small-ish party with family and some close friends. Here’s my dilemma – we would really like to limit how many and what kind of toys Jack receives. Ultimately, we’re hoping to start a real book collection for him. Is there any kind of tactful way that I can communicate this to family and friends? I don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t want to sound like I’m assuming anything. I sort of think of it like this: if I personally was buying a gift for someone’s birthday, I’d want to know exactly what they would like so that my gift really means something to them. I was hoping that this is a common mindset. I definitely need help with this one!
Well, I think I’m done. 🙂 The weather is finally warming up, and when Jack wakes up, I definitely think a walk is in order. Have a happy day!
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4 Comments

Filed under homemaking, making food, on being a mama, tea-timing

4 responses to “A Good Title Is Very Important

  1. Katie

    On lunch –

    For a light sandwich, try some whole grain bread spread with a soft cheese (like light cream cheese, or chevre, etc) and sprouts! Tasty with soup and/or salad.

  2. Jane

    About the gifts; For Gideons Birthday we asked (on the invitation) for everyone to bring a monetary donation for a haitan orphanage that my sister Joy had recently visited. I didn’t feel so bad about that, because I wasn’t saying “don’t buy him x,y, and z kind of gifts… we don’t like that kind” but rather “don’t buy him any gifts because he has so much already, and there are literaly kids dying beause they can’t eat…” I found people still wanted to make a donation as well as buy a gift, so they would say something like “isn’t there anything he needs?” and then I’d be able to say, “well… if you really feel like buying something he could use some more board books… etc…” Just a thought, at the same time, I don’t think people would be offended by you asking them only to buy from certain places or buy certain things (like no electronic toys…) 🙂

  3. BJ

    This is so tough! I have many well-meaning loved ones that tend to be very generous- and I tend to be a bit picky when it comes to gifts… or, rather, perhaps a bit ungrateful. I’d so prefer, non-plastic, hand-made, wooden, non-electric, free-trade, books, etc.. then many of the toys we have littered about. Although, I did just purchase a swing/bubble maker… hmm…
    Anyway, I decided since these toys tend to come in droves, maybe for my Babe’s b-day I might go w/ the donation to a cause route, or perhaps just gracefully accept the kindness of others, and if it’s not my thing, we can exchange it or give it happily away to someone else in need. I’ve been struggling with this for some time… I do think I’m settling on joy in giving our excess away- on the heels of having gratefulness/true thankfulness for the kindness and love of those around us, albeit the best toy ever, or a #5 plastic choking hazard made in China. Because, just like eating: I can eat organic wholesomeness at home, but have decided to be appreciative of the hormone laden milk & pesticide veggies at someone else’s house. Same perhaps for toys… if I’m buying, I stick w/ my values, if it’s a gift, perhaps I should be thankful & decide later whether it jives w/ my home or if I need to pass it along. Ultimately, the most important thing is love- and loving those around us sometimes takes swallowing our ideals, and accepting the imperfect person as well as their imperfect gifts- wow, sounds so snooty. – even if it is only plastic.:)

  4. Jacob and Allie Henderson

    I love that you want to start a book collection for Jack! I had already been planning for some time now to get him some of the “classics” for his birthday. =) I think you could turn the book thing into a cute theme-ish thing for his party. Not anything over the top, but maybe make the invitation in a shape of a book or something and explain what you and Ryan want to do for Jack. That way people will understand your desires but you won’t be telling them what not to buy. I’m sure he won’t get all books because it’s like with registering, people kinda get stuff they like, not stuff they think YOU will like. It’s worth a shot!

    Love ya!

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